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3/30/2026 0 Comments

Practice these Affirmations with Bilateral Tapping or Bilateral Sore Spot Rubbing, speaking them aloud.
Even though I don’t have all the answers, I’ll find the ones that matter
Even though I have some stress, I’m learning important ways to cope
Even though I have regrets, I am learning to accept and love myself
Even though I’m not where I want to be yet, I am heading in a good direction
Even though I’ve made less than ideal choices, I now know better
Even when I disappoint myself, I have a chance to learn and grow and try again
I am learning to accept, My human frailty with grace
I am learning that, My voice matters
I now know that expecting to be perfect, Is unrealistic and self-sabotaging
I take responsibility for, Cultivating my thought life
I alone am responsible for, Working my way out of darkness
I am learning to let go When it’s time to move forward
Because I am committed to growing, I am not the same person I used to be
From this point on, I will live from a place of gratitude
From now on I will, Practice self-compassion daily
More and more, I like who I am becoming
I now know that mistakes are, Important portals for self-discovery and correction
In my humanity, I am learning self-forgiveness
The path I travel, Leads to freedom and grace
I easily engage in, My true authenticity
Who I am matters, Simply because I exist
I now recognize that negative self-talk, Is simply a very bad habit that can be changed
I have the capacity for self-reflection, And emotional repair
I am capable of mindful communication, And listen with the intent to understand
I have the capacity to be empathic, Even when I disagree with what is being said
Even though my feelings may be powerful, I am more than my feelings
I know for sure that it is not my job, To make or keep others happy
I will not blame those in my present life, For the hurt caused by persons from my past

Handout by Lo Mehnert LMFT

3/23/2026 0 Comments

PRIOR TO YOUR 18th BIRTHDAY: Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often….
Swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you? OR Act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt?
Yes No If yes enter 1 ___

Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…..
Push, grab, slap, or throw something at you? OR Ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured?
Yes No    If yes enter 1 _

Did an adult or person at least 5 years older than you ever….
Touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way? OR Attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you?
Yes No    If yes enter 1 _

Did you often or very often feel that…..
No one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special? OR Your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other?
Yes No    If yes enter 1 _

Did you often or very often feel that.....
You didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you? OR Your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed it?
Yes No    If yes enter 1 _

Was a biological parent ever lost to you through divorce, abandonment, or other reason?
Yes No    If yes enter 1 _

Was your mother or stepmother:
Often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or ad something thrown at her? OR Sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard?   OR Ever repeatedly hit over at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife?
Yes No    If yes enter 1 _

Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic or who used street drugs?
Yes No    If yes enter 1 _
Was a household member depressed or mentally ill or did a household member attempt suicide?
Yes No    If yes enter 1 _

Did a household member go to prison?
Yes No    If yes enter 1 _

Now add up your YES answers: _____ This is your ACE score.

NOTE: Sometimes people take exception to the phrasing of questions 3, 6, and 7, arguing that sexual assault by anyone of any age is traumatic, that the death of a parent should be included, and that both males and females can be victims of domestic violence. If, when taking the survey, you prefer to modify the questions to allow for these factors, you may feel free to do so.

3/19/2026 0 Comments

Adversity’s Call
A call is a summons that often asks something of us that is indistinct but vital. It requires us to be in contact with ourselves in new and different ways. Even in the midst of distressful circumstances that may be unbidden, unfair, or mysterious, there can be a sense of purpose greater than the actual events unfolding before us.

A call is rich with meaning and invites us to hold deeper conversations about what life is about. It is a place where we wrestle with questions that may have no clear answers or only partial knowing. Strange things can call us. Depression can be a call. Grief can be a call. Illness can be a call. Loss of an ability or independence can be a call. Betrayal can be a call. Learning differences can be a call. Each of these things obliges us to look deeper and encounter uncomfortable issues which we would prefer to avoid. We can avoid a call but if we turn away from it, we will be emotionally impoverished.

We are being challenged to relate to the people in our world and to the circumstances we find ourselves in, in an entirely different way. Old habits that once worked brilliantly cannot begin to help us on these new paths fraught with twists and turns that cannot be GPS’ed. Old roadmaps are obsolete and do not match the foreign territory that rises in our path.

Time perception changes. Perhaps we don’t have as much time as we might have wished but we are still here. Even when pain and anxiety come over us, there is still blessing to be had. This new terrain requires patience and acceptance of loss of some control. There are now things we are powerless to change but that does not mean we are powerless. I have this moment. I have today. How can I make today count? How can I bless others even if I am suffering? What kind of an example do I want to model? I didn’t ask to be a role model. But whether I like it or not, people know I’m going through a wilderness experience and they are watching to see how I navigate such rocky terrain.

Do I have fear? Yes. It’s a natural part of the human experience. But I am more than my fear and I have the power to both acknowledge its presence but put it in its proper place. Fear needs to get into the passenger seat. My place is in the driver’s seat of my life. Humility, courage, patience, faith, tolerating ambiguity become my constant companions along the way.

Now is the time to say important things, to have brave conversations, to engage in a soulful way with those who matter to us. The events that cast a shadow over our day can be doorways into a deeper call which asks us to engage more fully. Given what has occurred, how do I live the fullest life I can? How will I cope with immense challenges? Who can support me as I go through darkness?

My energy may be finite. Do I want to spend it getting mired and bogged down in the sucking sands of despair and resentment at the unfairness of life? How can I make the most of my days, however many I have? What does my life stand for? How can I love better? How can I listen with compassion? Rather than getting stuck trying to find some sort of divine explanation for why this thing occurred, seek presence; the presence of God, the presence of loved ones, your own self-presence.

A call from illness asks us to look beyond placing our entire focus on defeating whatever medical condition we have and awakening to our authentic self and the deeper things of life. Since this has happened, now what? This may be a wake-up call to see life as a soul journey where we get in touch with what truly matters. From this point on, how do I live without regrets? How can I be more curious than afraid about what comes next? How can I live more in the ‘here and now’ rather than wasting time worrying about tomorrow? Even if I have a terminal condition, if I wake up in the morning, then I have today. I am still alive with a day in front of me. I have the gift of this pocket of time which has the possibility of blessing and gratitude and connection and affection, etc. For those of us whose religion believes in Heaven, life continues beyond death. The greatest mystery may be on the threshold of our days. While we are here, we can make the most of what we have by being in the moment.

You are not the cause of your illness. You are not the cause of bad things happening to you. You are not the cause of unfairness or being dealt a poor hand. But now that this unbidden thing has gained entry into your world, how will you choose to continue to make meaning and adapt and be alive enough to engage? Though there is meaningless suffering and unfairness, how can you deal with it as you live a purposeful life?

Life is precious. Time is precious. Love is the most important thing in all of creation. Everything you touch matters. Who you are matters. Get the support you need to weather the storm. Share who you are. Forget being strong or perfect. Just be you. That is more than enough. As you walk the unknown path, you will be surrounded by love that will lift you. Everything becomes sacred when we navigate in darkness. Remember to be compassionate with yourself on this new path. Get as much done that you love. Until our last breath, what will we do to make each moment count? How will you choose to focus on gratitude rather than unfairness or despair?

Viktor Frankl came through the Holocaust with insightful wisdom when he described the last of man’s freedoms as the ability to choose our attitude in any given situation. That power can make all the difference as an unbidden call arrives.

Given whatever has happened to us, how can I make the most of what I do have? How can I best use my time and energy and love? What does my life stand for? What do I need to navigate in this situation? How will I remain true to what is important to me? How can I see myself through a lens of grace and compassion? What is my best hope as I await tomorrow? What lessons can I take with me into the future? Can I intentionally place my focus and expectations on possibility and goodness in the midst of life’s challenges?

By L. Mehnert LMFT

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