Attunement

The Core of Love is:  Emotional Presence!  
Attunement:  A.R.E.

A:  Accessible -  When I need you, are you really there for me?  Fully present?  Reachable both physically and emotionally?  Can you defer avoiding me?

R:  Responsive – Can I count on you to try understand me?  Can you understand why I’m feeling what I feel?  Even if you don’t agree with my point of view, can you convey that you at least understand how I’m experiencing something without interrupting me or defending your position?  Can you seek to understand me first before you are understood?  Are you safe to open up to?  Can I count on you not to raise your voice too loudly or have a haughty tone or attitude, or use sarcasm or put-downs?  Can I trust that you won’t start problem solving until I first feel understood?

E:  Engaged – Can you connect with me or are you distracted by:  substances, your mood, illness, reactivity or being triggered by me, unhealed wounds, anxiety, depression, significant life stresses. When you attune to me, I feel safe with you.  I feel you have compassion what I’m going through.  This helps me to be undefended and open.  In turn, it creates a desire for me to afford the same graciousness toward you because now I feel that we’re on the same team.  When you show me you can stand with me in my distress, I trust you and lean into you rather than feeling cut-off.  I want to feel as though you cherish me rather than see me as an annoyance.   *Can you, in turn, provide this level of attunement toward your partner??
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Inspired by John Gottman