Codependency

Codependency Codependency / is an issue of over-investment into someone or something.  It is a relationship in which we stay too long while giving away too much of ourselves and our resources all in an attempt to control, rescue, or change someone or something [www.hollikenley.com]

*Based on a need to “be needed”
*Dependency upon another person, not dependency on God
*Out of balance relationship that creates extreme ups and downs
*Fear of abandonment is common
*Feeling trapped
*If you leave the relationship, you will hurt – but if you stay, you will hurt
*Hope for future healing is to be healed from your codependent way of relating
*Acknowledge the role you play in perpetuating the codependent pattern
*Stop focusing on what your partner is doing
*Start focusing on what you need to do to become emotionally healthy
*Stop focusing on your partner’s problems 
*Start focusing on solving your own problems
*Stop neglecting people and projects in your own life
*Stop focusing on trying to change your partner
*Start focusing on changing yourself
*Give up your fantasies
*Say no when you need to say no and then hold onto your no
*Realize the Lord is ready and able to meet your deepest emotional needs
*How did you become preoccupied with your partner?
*How did you start neglecting yourself and start focusing on taking care of your partner?
*How has this relationship replicated your painful childhood experiences?
*How have you assigned a higher priority to your partner than to everything else?
*Find an accountability partner whom you can be honest with
*Learn to free yourself from secrets that preserve outward appearances which are deceptive
*Give yourself permission to be honest about your true feelings
*Discern your partner’s character and respond accordingly
*Commit to building relationships with trustworthy, mature Christians whose goal is Christlikeness

What Release Is and What Release Is Not…
Releasing you is not to stop loving you, but loving enough to stop leaning on you.
Releasing you is not to stop caring for you, but caring enough to stop controlling you.
Releasing you is not to turn away from you, but turning to Christ, trusting His control over you.
Releasing you is not to harm you, but realizing “my help” has been harmful.
Releasing you is not to hurt you, but to be willing to be hurt for healing.
Releasing you is not to judge you, but letting the divine Judge, judge me.
Releasing you is not to restrict you, but restricting my demands of you.
Releasing you is not to refuse you, but refusing to keep reality from you.
Releasing you is not to cut myself off from you, but pruning the unfruitful away from you.
Releasing you is not to prove my power over you, but admitting I am powerless to change you.
Releasing you is not to stop believing in you, but believing the Lord alone will build character in you.
Releasing you is not to condemn the past, but cherishing the present and committing our future to God.

Because of Him in Me…
Because Christ was not codependent… I will not be codependent.
Because Christ kept healthy boundaries… I will keep healthy boundaries.
Because Christ was not manipulated… I will not be manipulated.
Because Christ stood up to pressure… I will not cave in to pressure.
Because Christ was not guilt-driven… I will not be guilt-driven.
Because Christ refused to compromise, I will not yield to compromise.
Because Christ lives in me… I will conquer codependency!      By June Hunt

“Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”         Hebrews 12:1                                       

Handout L. Mehnert LMFT