Communication with Emotional Safety

Social Engagement Circuitry Activation is required for vulnerability and authenticity to show up in relationships.  In order for that to occur there has to be:

*Emotional safety that is free from:     
.Interruptions     
.Defensiveness   
.Reactivity     
.Sarcasm and threatening tones of voice     
.Blaming     
.Dredging up pasts, “Oh yeah, well you…”     
.Going off topic to every single hurt that has ever happened     
.Avoidance of difficult topics     
.Ugly facial expressions     
.Angry body posturing, including turning away from, pointing with finger, etc.     
.Triangulation, talking with others rather than the person you need to talk to

*Essential attributes of Emotional Safety in Mindful Communication:     
.Honesty     
.First seek to understand before being understood   
.Candor, but with gracious phrasing     
.Directness and clear communication     
.Emotional attunement to the essential issue     
.Being fully present, free from distractions     
.Eye contact     
.Caring attitude     
.Mutual Respect, even when disagreeing      
.Listening without interruption     
.Empathy for the other’s perspective and feelings, even when different from yours     .Mindful presence


*Value of Emotional Safety:     
.Dare to simply be yourself     
.Assured that you are allies and not enemies   
 .Your sharing will not be used against you in the future     
.Enhanced emotional closeness     
.Peaceful mind     
.Feel valued     
.Relationship has depth and vibrancy     
.Deeper understanding and appreciation     
.You won’t need to worry about secrecy     
.You don’t have to pretend everything’s ok when it’s not ok     
.More authenticity with self and others   
.Ask for what you want and need rather than expecting others to mindread      
.You’re not responsible for others’ feelings but you are responsible for yours     
.No triangulating, where you talk to others rather than the person you need to talk to
​
*Filters for Sharing:
.Is it Kind?     
.Is it true?     
.Is it helpful?     
.Is it necessary?     
.Is it reactive?     
.Is it relevant?

This is hardly a comprehensive description, but it provides a snapshot of some important elements that can enhance relational connection.

Handout by L. Mehnert LMFT