Dashboard Light Indicators

Dashboard Light Indicators

Every car has a dashboard with information that guides drivers in caring for their vehicles.  One does not need to be a mechanic to use the display board whilst driving.  Each light can simply be seen as a “signal” calling us to pay attention.  This signal may indicate something requires care or can inform us about how our car is operating.

Taking this metaphor into our personal lives can be a tool to alert us when self-care is indicated.  We are each unique and so too are the signals that we receive.  For example, certain feelings arise, and if left untended, can become overwhelming.  The idea of seeing our feelings as indicator lights that turn on, signaling us to pay attention, can guide us in empathically and gently caring for ourselves.  By catching these signals “early” rather than later, we are empowered to soothe ourselves and care for our needs before we become overwhelmed by powerful feelings.

An example of this might be the felt-sense of emptiness.  Once I recognize how this feeling creeps up on me, I can pay attention to it as though it is a signal to apply self-care.  Emptiness then becomes a dashboard indicator light flicking on and drawing my attention to the experience of some inner disturbance.  Rather than thinking something is wrong with me and rather than my default reaction of isolating myself and feeling different from other people (and not in a good way), I can use this feeling to become curious about what “need” is being signaled.  

Perhaps emptiness is asking me to connect in a more authentic way.  Or it might be prompting me to reach out to others.  Maybe even, emptiness is pushing me to ask for help with processing an experience that felt confusing.  Or emptiness might let me know that I’m feeling overshadowed by big personalities or others’ strong opinions and feeling pushed to the margins of a social event.  There are many possible interpretations.  The point is, that emptiness can become a signal to pay attention to my inner-self.  

At this point, once I’ve become aware of a rising feeling, rather than judge myself or compare myself or cope with the discomfort this feeling elicits, I can remember the dashboard indicator light metaphor and see this feeling as a signal.  We each have innumerable signals and learning to recognize them is an important task of self-discovery and allows for enhanced self-care.  

A common experience for many is fear of speaking up.  Let this feeling become a signal rather than a defining character attribute or a weakness you base your identity upon.  When you begin to notice you have something to say, but you are hesitating, go inward.  Become curious about what need suppressing your voice is signaling.  Again, there are many ways to interpret the felt-experience of silencing oneself and what you are needing in the moment.  Perhaps you want to feel included, or you notice you are making yourself small, or you want to please someone in a position of authority over you.  Do you need to be validated?  Or would speaking up bring clarity?  What words might you say to yourself that bring comfort and stir confidence?

Using dashboard indicator lights as signals can change the way you relate to yourself.  So many of us have unrecognize or under-appreciated needs that have languished, unattended to for so long that we have become used to being bypassed.  But there is a better way to stay connected to oneself than bypassing our needs.  One way to do that is to learn what need is being signaled and then applying the very thing that will bring peace and self-respect.                                                

Handout by L. Mehnert LMFT